


screaming so loud, but can anyone hear me

by charjace



Series: Screams Falling On Deaf Ears [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x07 Canon Divergent, M/M, Suicidal Tendencies, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:02:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: want more of this, if so what should i do





	screaming so loud, but can anyone hear me

Exiting the bar, he pulls his jacket around himself. None of the seelies interested him tonight, not even Kaelie. He’s been screaming, screaming out but no one seems to be listening to his screams. No one notices the way he’s thickened on his rebellious state, lathered on that cocky attitude and give no shits persona. The mask he always wore, much heavier and louder then ever, yet no one can see through it, so he just walks down the street. Past downworlders and mundanes alike, who have no clue what’s going on in his fucked up mind. No idea that he’s walking himself towards what he hopes will end this suffering.

There is a bridge up ahead and he finds himself sitting on the edge of it, feet dangling over the edge. It was dark out, and the water looked freezing and far away enough that if he just  _fell_ , either the cold or the fall would take him out. Stripping himself of his jacket, he hangs it over the side and rest his palms against the edge. Ready to push of in any second. Guilt just fills him for a few seconds, it’s so strong he’s sure Alec might feel it. Or maybe he won’t, because he can feel Alec’s happiness and that just makes him feel even more down. He wanted that, wanted a happiness that was unconditional, like his brother.

But, that wasn’t for him. Happiness wasn’t in the books for him, and it will never be. He was just a burden. No home anymore, the Institute no longer, for Aldertree’s kicked him out and living at Magnus’, he can’t keep doing that.

Closing his eyes, he was about to push off when he felt a pair of arms pull him away, and off the edge. He just feels so  _numb_  that he doesn’t fight it, it could be Valentine here to kill and he wouldn’t care. He just doesn’t want to be a bother to anyone else. That is all he is, to Alec, Maryse, to Robert and Isabelle. To Clary, Valentine, the downworld and shadowhunters.

He doesn’t open his eyes, just waits for the other to say or do something. A few minutes pass by, and he feels his jacket being wrapped around his shoulders and he’s being guided. Opening his eyes, he turns his head to see Simon at his side, and he’s about to protest when Simon picked him up and the next thing he knew, he was in the boathouse of the Jade Wolf, also known as where Simon lives now.

“Jace,” Simon’s voice spoke, “I’m going to talk, and I know you won’t like it but I am, because I don’t think you’re going to be opening up to me anytime soon. Okay... I know you’re not okay. How can you be? Whatever you had with Clary was fucked over because of Valentine, everything that happened with him, and probably some other shit I don’t know about but... you’re pushing everyone away. Downing your sorrows in fucking alcohol and sex. It’s not healthy.

My mother, after my father died, she went on this bender of sorts. Drinking away her own sorrows. I was a kid, didn’t know or realise until Luke came to pick me and Rebecca up from school. She was a drunk and... anyway point is... she almost destroyed our family because she pushed us away, she wanted to stop feeling sad in the only way she knew. And I can see you doing that, to your family. Don’t push Clary away.

Or Alec, or Izzy. You can’t push them away, you’ll only hurt them in the worst ways.”

Jace just sat on one of the stools that seemed to be around, listening to Simon speak. The boys words ramble out of his mouth, then it went quiet between the pair before a few minutes later, Jace spoke up, “You pulled me off of the bridge,  _why_?”

“Because... g-, Jace, you were going to jump. I  _surprise_  actually give a shit if you fucking live or die! You may not, but I do. Alec, Izzy, Clary  **fucking**  do!” Simon exclaims, throwing his hands into the air.

The vampire’s outburst surprised him, but then he remembered why Simon had been at the Hunter’s Moon, “Don’t you have a date with Maia? Go, find her, I’ll make it back to Magnus’ just-,”

“No, I texted Maia,” Simon says with a small shrug. “Now, I will walk with you, unless you want to call someone to come pick you up, because I’m not letting you leave here alone. Not with your state of mind.”

“Fine,” Jace mumbles, before pulling on his jacket and leaving the boathouse, and Simon was true to his word and was hot on his tail.

It was quiet as they walked, and it was surprisingly comfortable silence until they reached Magnus’ loft. Simon doesn’t leave him, and Jace an’t bring himself to tell him to go. He doesn’t know why, but  _maybe_  it’s because Simon saw through his mask, he saw him screaming and reached out to help.

“Magnus and Alec... I hate vampire hearing,” Simon mutters, making Jace raise an eyebrow slightly. Simon just shakes his head, pulling out a tangle of headphones and it was quick, watching as they untangled and were put in his ears. 

"I’m just going to go to bed, is that okay with you,” Jace states, Simon gives a small nod of his head, flashing Jace a smile. “And...  _thank you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> want more of this, if so what should i do


End file.
